Muted

Oi Who the fuck sent that “Hi neighbours, just a gentle reminder Shut the fuck up Muted? Fuck you, I’m back in the chat You send one voice note, I’m starting a spat Bin day, dog shit, someone’s cat got whacked I don’t give a fuck, I’m attacking the chat Muted? Fuck you, I’m back with rage Typing all caps like I’m storming the stage One little ding and I’m out that cage Neighbourhood war on a fifty-plus age It started on a Tuesday, 6:14 Some prick named Gary said “Please keep it clean “Reminder that the pavements are not for your trailer Gary, suck my dick, you suburban failure Then Cheryl jumped in with a passive tone “Let’s all be respectful” from her Samsung phone That smiley face? That fake-ass grin I saw that shit and the war began I said, “Cheryl, your hedge looks like absolute hell And your husband parks like he’s fresh outta jail Then Trevor replied with a thumbs-up sign So now it’s Trevor too, that bitch is mine A photo came through of a poo by a gate Zoomed in like CSI, timestamped late “Can dog owners please just do what is right Fuck off, Karen, it could be human shite Every little ping got my blood pressure high I’m in my kitchen yellin’, “These cunts gon’ die Not literally, relax, but socially? yes I’m ’bout to ruin every bitch on the West Muted? Fuck you, I’m back in the chat You send one voice note, I’m starting a spat Bin day, dog shit, someone’s cat got whacked I don’t give a fuck, I’m attacking the chat Muted? Fuck you, I’m back with rage Typing all caps like I’m storming the stage One little ding and I’m out that cage Neighbourhood war on a fifty-plus age Now Linda’s concerned ’bout a “suspicious man Posted grainy footage from her security cam That “suspicious man” was me in a cap Taking out my bins, you paranoid sap Then Deon wrote, “Please keep politics out Too late, motherfucker, I’m in and I’m loud I brought up the levy, the speed bump vote And who stole my black Tupperware goat That last bit made no sense, I know, don’t care By this point I’m feral, I’m all in the air I’m screenshotting chats, I’m circling names Building little grudges like Olympic games Admin says, “Sir, this group’s for alerts I said, “Then alert these nuts, you curtain-twitching jerks “Take personal issues to private instead No, bitch, I want witnesses. I want this spread Then somebody left, then somebody cried Then somebody’s auntie typed “Jesus guide Voice note from Martin, a full minute ten I played that shit once and I hated all men Good morning neighbours No Happy Wednesday all No Just a friendly request Fuck off Please see attached Eat shit Muted? Fuck you, I’m back in the chat You send one voice note, I’m starting a spat Bin day, dog shit, someone’s cat got whacked I don’t give a fuck, I’m attacking the chat Muted? Fuck you, I’m back with rage Typing all caps like I’m storming the stage One little ding and I’m out that cage Neighbourhood war on a fifty-plus age Now Sunday is quiet, no messages there Just tension so thick you could cut it in air But Monday at 5 with a “Morning all” line I’ll be back in that motherfucker right on time Muted? Fuck you, I’m back in the chat You send one voice note, I’m starting a spat Bin day, dog shit, someone’s cat got whacked I don’t give a fuck, I’m attacking the chat “Please keep all discussion civil Suck my dick, Meryl And tell Gary His fucking trailer’s skew